What Makes a Good Funeral Celebrant?
To be effective as a funeral celebrant, I believe a person needs to be able to relate to and communicate with people from all walks of life. Besides being a very good listener, they have to be able to empathise. They also need creative writing and finely tuned presentation skills. In addition to this, they need to be warm, friendly and calm, whilst maintaining a professional disposition at all times. This is quite a big ask!
A good celebrant will work closely with you. Whilst responding to your wishes, they will offer suggestions and ideas to help you create an appropriate tribute to your loved one.
Working in co-operation with the Funeral Director, a good celebrant creates and delivers the ceremony. He or she is the facilitator, the co-creator and the presenter.
The Funeral Directors with whom I work are experienced professionals who take a great deal of care, and have enormous pride in what they do. It is only right that a celebrant should share their philosophy, ethos and values.
This article identifies some of the characteristics and traits which distinguish a good funeral celebrant and highlights the importance of these attributes during your dealings with them;
A good celebrant will empathise with you
Arranging a funeral is one of the most stressful experiences you can undertake. Whilst experiencing the pain of loss you will need to make choices and decisions that you hope would best reflect the wishes of the person who has passed away.
When you are struggling to express your feelings and emotions, it is difficult to reflect on the life of the person you have loved and lost. It can be helpful to turn to someone who is experienced in handling this and is capable of empathising with you.
A good celebrant will guide and support you through this difficult time. They understand what constitutes a suitable, dignified, respectful and memorable send off. When you don’t know what to say, they will help you find the words.
A good celebrant exudes warmth and friendliness
The preparation for a funeral ceremony usually begins with a phone call from a Funeral Director. The celebrant will be given the date and place of the ceremony, along with contact details of the family member who is arranging the funeral. The celebrant will then telephone the family member. This is usually a brief call simply to introduce themselves and arrange a mutually convenient time to discuss everything in more detail.
If possible, I prefer to arrange a face to face meeting. Ordinarily, I would offer to meet you at your home address at a convenient time during the day or evening. However, if it is more convenient, a meeting at the Funeral Director’s office can usually be arranged.
Clearly, there are situations when telephone or video calls are the only option and in such circumstances, a Skype, Facetime or Zoom call is preferable. In my experience, being able to see each other helps the conversation flow more easily.
The days after a loved one has died will undoubtedly be difficult and painful for you. A good celebrant will appreciate this. To welcome a stranger into your home with the sole intention of asking searching questions about the person you have lost may feel intrusive and can be quite hard to deal with. I am prepared for this. My primary concern is to find out your wishes and those of the person who has died. I will lead you through a series of questions, resulting in a conversation that flows as comfortably and as naturally as possible.
It is important that sufficient time is set aside for this conversation – at least an hour, ideally, allowing time and space for family members to talk about the person who has died.
A good celebrant is a very good listener
A good celebrant will ask questions about the life of your loved one, their character, their values and what made them the unique person they were. To help tell their story, they will encourage you to share special memories. It is important that you volunteer memories of your loved one as they occur to you. Talk about their favourite holidays, books, music and hobbies. If you can summon funny stories at this difficult time, they will be valuable. These stories illustrate the many different aspects of their life and your lives together.
By actively listening, I gather all the detailed information I need to write an appropriate tribute and conduct the ceremony on your behalf.
A good celebrant is flexible
A good celebrant will have access to and knowledge of a wide range of poetry, readings, rituals and music and will collaborate with you in order to create and deliver a ceremony incorporating your ideas. They will invite you to share your wishes for those elements and will also share options and ideas with you and help you to make appropriate choices, particularly if you are in need of guidance or inspiration. We then plan and construct the shape and format of the ceremony together.
Although no two funeral ceremonies are ever the same, most experienced celebrants will follow a typical ceremony structure, whilst skillfully and gracefully tailoring the content to meet your individual requirements.
A good celebrant has excellent writing and presentation skills
The celebrant will take all of this information away with them and create an individual service which represents the life and times of the deceased. They may produce a draft of the service for you to review and make any necessary amendments or additions before the ceremony. When the draft has been approved and details such as names, dates, people and places have been double checked for accuracy, the content of the ceremony will be shared with the funeral director.
On the day of the funeral, the celebrant will meet you at your chosen venue at the appointed time and proceed to deliver the service to celebrate the life of your loved one.
In short, engaging a good celebrant to help you create a fitting funeral tribute and deliver it with compassion will help to shape your memory of it – and indeed the person being remembered – for many years.
A carefully constructed and expertly delivered funeral service will help you move from experiencing the pain and grief associated with the loss of a loved one to a sense and feeling of pride of having known such a wonderful person.
The work of a funeral celebrant is extremely enriching and is rewarding in many ways. For me, it is more than a job. It is an honour and a privilege to be there to facilitate a family’s needs by creating and delivering a beautiful bespoke tribute filled with respect, gratitude and love. With this in mind, I will always go the extra mile to provide the best possible experience for everyone involved.
If you contact me on 07561 107888 or 01430 819806 I will respond to any messages within two hours.
